Angel2’s 2nd Birthday
(PC: Google Images Joakim Kremer)
My dearest Angel2 Baby,
You would have been 2 years old yesterday…I’m sorry I’m a day late, I did not forget, I never would and I never will. I think about you all the time, not just on special days like yesterday. I’ve been thinking about what wish to give you all day long, but I couldn’t get myself to come up of something that’s good enough for you. I am trying my best to be happy and positive for you, but I find it very hard because I find myself engulfed in the sadness of losing you. As your birthday approaches, I keep telling myself that I’ll be fine this time, and that I’ll be ok. Yet I end up thinking about you, what you never got to be, what I never got to have with you, and it makes me cry. I think about the moment I lost you, because that’s my last moments with you, and the pain instantly floods my heart. Some people are naive and ignorant by thinking I can’t miss someone who was never even here, but for a couple months, you were here, with me, in my womb. All those happy feelings and love that I have for you, that you gave me, that was real and that is what I miss. I miss what I never got to experience with you, I miss all the all the hopes and dreams that I once had for you, I miss you my angel2. It pains me not to be able to celebrate your life you never had a chance to live with you, and it saddens me that my tears are what makes me feel closest to you. However, your love lives inside my heart and I will always feel your love knowing that you are watching over me. I’ll never stop missing you, the pain will never go away, until I finally meet you one day. Until then, I’ll keep missing you, and thinking of you, and loving you. Happy 2nd Birthday my precious angel2.
Love always and forever,
Your Mommy
Beautifuly said. Thank you for having the courage to write so openly and honestly. Only you shared that internal bond with our angel for a couple of months and so the pain you feel will be the deepest, and no one else will every truely feel what you are feeling. It is unfortunate that there are those out there who would belittle your mourning because our angel never had a chance to develop, crawl, cry, smile and all the other things babies get to do. You are right in saying all the feelings you had for your angel and all of the plans you made for it definitely makes the loss just as real.
Try to take comfort in knowing that these beautiful words are making their way to your angel and will strengthen its watch over you.
Hopefully the strength you have, which allows you to express your thoughts so openly in such a difficult time, will continue to help others who are also going through difficult journeys.
Oh Jacqueline, happy 2nd heavenly birthday to your angel. That is truly the worst feeling for bereaved moms is to wonder,ponder, and picture what life could have been like for our child. Sending no you love and prayers.
Happy Birthday Sweet Angel! Lots of love to everyone.