Angel1’s 2nd Birthday
My Dearest Angel1,
You would have been 2 years old today. You would probably be running all over the place, talking, (and if you’re anything like your big sister Lily) eating all sorts of candy and snacks, and gifting the world with your uniquely wonderful personality. I should be celebrating this momentous day with all my friends and family after spending a good amount of time planning this special day just for you. Instead, weeks, days, and hours before this day, I spent it juggling emotions of sadness, gratefulness, loneliness, humbleness, and grief, to name a few. You should be getting showers of wonderful birthday wishes, comments on how fast you’re growing, how amazing and wonderful you are, and receiving lots of love, surrounded by lots of smiling happy faces. Instead, I might receive one or two “thinking of you” messages, and other supportive related wishes from those who are in tuned with my life, paired up with sympathetic hugs and pep talks. That being said, I’m very appreciative of any support and love I get on this day, but that’s just me, to better cope with my grief. I don’t need a room full of people, fancy party decorations, cake and presents to know how much you mean to me, and I don’t need the world to acknowledge your existence to remind me of how much I love you.
Today though, is for you, so in my heart, I celebrate you. Every year, I will try my best to spend these important dates, doing something that makes me happy, for you, to create some joy that you would have added to my life. I know your soul is watching down on my, so I will make you proud. It’s painful to imagine what you would be like at this age because it reminds me of what I’m missing, and what I didn’t get to experience with you. However, I imagine it anyways and for a brief moment, I smile and my heart feels warm and happy. But soon after, I quickly feel the pain of the dream. In a weird way though, it brings me closer to you, probably because I’m able to feel real tangible feelings for someone I never got to hold. I will never forget you. Happy 2nd birthday my angel, I know you would have created so much happiness in my life, so I wish to make myself and everyone around me as happy as I possibly can, to spread the love you have given me deep in my heart. I love you with my every being.
Love you always,
Mommy
This is a my very special DNA keepsake beaded jewelry that I got made by the super special and talented Kelly from Sacred Legacy Arts. The two outside beads are her memorial beads with the Forget Me Not flower inside it for miscarriages, for those who don’t have anything tangible to represent their lost babies. The green and blue bead has some of Leo’s hair in it, and the purple and pink bead has some of Lily’s hair in it both with gold shimmer. These beads are super special to me, because I am able to literally able carry a part of my babies everywhere with me. I’m so happy I stumbled upon Sacred Legacy Arts, it’s amazing what she does for others, and giving us this opportunity to have such a wonderful keepsake item that means so much more than jewelry to us mommies. Thank you so much Kelly, I will wear it around my neck, close to my heart, always!
Wow, that necklace is so beautiful… both in its appearance and what it represents. It is so special and I know you have the ring already, but this is even more amazing bc you get to wear them all close to your heart. I think it’s so sweet that she uses Forget Me Nots and so symbolic too bc those little angels may one day fade from other people’s thoughts or memories but never for their Mommy. You’re so strong for always moving forward but keeping the courage to remember the most painful parts of life and embracing them. I wonder too what either or both of the babies would have been like, but I find comfort in the fact that not every Mommy would have been perfect for Leo. He may have not even had a chance… it was fate that brought him to a Mommy who loves so deeply, selflessly, and unconditionally. And his angel siblings watch over all of you, smiling down with their pure little hearts. You are the perfect Mommy of 4, Lily’s heart will grow up bigger and stronger than most just like her Mommy, and Leo will always have 2 guardian angels watch over him. <3