Monthly Archives: April 2016

Angel1’s 2nd Birthday

My Dearest Angel1,

You would have been 2 years old today.  You would probably be running all over the place, talking, (and if you’re anything like your big sister Lily) eating all sorts of candy and snacks, and gifting the world with your uniquely wonderful personality.  I should be celebrating this momentous day with all my friends and family after spending a good amount of time planning this special day just for you.  Instead, weeks, days, and hours before this day, I spent it juggling emotions of sadness, gratefulness, loneliness, humbleness, and grief, to name a few.  You should be getting showers of wonderful birthday wishes, comments on how fast you’re growing, how amazing and wonderful you are, and receiving lots of love, surrounded by lots of smiling happy faces.  Instead, I might receive one or two “thinking of you” messages, and other supportive related wishes from those who are in tuned with my life, paired up with sympathetic hugs and pep talks.  That being said, I’m very appreciative of any support and love I get on this day, but that’s just me, to better cope with my grief.  I don’t need a room full of people, fancy party decorations, cake and presents to know how much you mean to me, and I don’t need the world to acknowledge your existence to remind me of how much I love you.

Today though, is for you, so in my heart, I celebrate you.  Every year, I will try my best to spend these important dates, doing something that makes me happy, for you, to create some joy that you would have added to my life.  I know your soul is watching down on my, so I will make you proud.  It’s painful to imagine what you would be like at this age because it reminds me of what I’m missing, and what I didn’t get to experience with you.  However, I imagine it anyways and for a brief moment, I smile and my heart feels warm and happy.  But soon after, I quickly feel the pain of the dream.  In a weird way though, it brings me closer to you, probably because I’m able to feel real tangible feelings for someone I never got to hold.  I will never forget you.  Happy 2nd birthday my angel, I know you would have created so much happiness in my life, so I wish to make myself and everyone around me as happy as I possibly can, to spread the love you have given me deep in my heart. I love you with my every being.

Love you always,
Mommy

JackieDNAKeepsakeNecklace

This is a my very special DNA keepsake beaded jewelry that I got made by the super special and talented Kelly from Sacred Legacy Arts.  The two outside beads are her memorial beads with the Forget Me Not flower inside it for miscarriages, for those who don’t have anything tangible to represent their lost babies.  The green and blue bead has some of Leo’s hair in it, and the purple and pink bead has some of Lily’s hair in it both with gold shimmer.  These beads are super special to me, because I am able to literally able carry a part of my babies everywhere with me.  I’m so happy I stumbled upon Sacred Legacy Arts, it’s amazing what she does for others, and giving us this opportunity to have such a wonderful keepsake item that means so much more than jewelry to us mommies.  Thank you so much Kelly, I will wear it around my neck, close to my heart, always!

Happy 10 Months Leo!

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Leo 10 Months

LeoBookHappy 10 Months my petit prince Leo!  Leo now weighs about 18bs, and stretches about 29 inches long!  Leo had his follow up check with his urologist a few weeks ago and overall everything looks good.  He said to massage the two incision spots on his belly 30 second rotations each way every time he gets a diaper change and the scar should go away!  He has to come back in a year for another follow up, so hopefully everything stay good and healthy.  Leo is starting to play with his toes more now and he loves to roll all over the place.  He is holding onto his toys a little longer and really likes to play with crinkly texture toys.  His top two teeth are very visible now so his teeth count is at a whopping 4!  He’s starting to drool more now because of all his teething.  When Leo starts to suck his thumb, that’s a sign that he’s getting tired and sleepy, it’s really cute!  He’ll rub his eyes and them use his arm to cover his eyes and fall asleep that way.  He is being more vocal now too and making lots of different noises.  He likes to blow raspberries now and is beginning to lick things and slowly put things in his mouth, mostly his bibs.  Leo also really enjoys books and on a few occasions he was even able to turn the page all by himself!  He is very curious and loves to observe his surrounds.  Leo has a sweet gaze and will entrance with his beautiful eyes and sweet little smile.  Big sister Lily is still the best at making him laugh, but he is always so happy and smiling, he is literally a bundle of joy!

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Leo 34 Weeks

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Leo Easter 2016

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Leo 41 Weeks

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Leo’s 1st St Patrick’s Day

Leo had his 6 month assessment from the infant education program a few weeks ago.  I was actually a little surprised by how delayed he was in a lot of areas, I thought he was just a little bit behind in some gross motor skills but I didn’t realize he was delayed in other areas as well.  The assessment stated that Leo’s delays are attributed to a couple neuromotor factors such as low tone and decreased strength.  It was reccommended that his schedule gets changed to 3 hours of therapy a week instead of 1 hour a week, where it’s 1 hour for PT, 1 hour for OT, and 1 hour with his infant educator.  The Regional Center decided to go with 2 hours of therapy, 1 hour PT and 1 hour OT and forego the infant educator for now.  When I first saw the results to Leo’s assessment, I was surprised by the numbers and felt bummed, scared and worried for my Leo.  I think it’s a normal reaction, since I don’t want Leo be too delayed, if at all, but after some time to process all the information, and understand the questions and tests that were involved in order to do the assessment in the first place, I wasn’t as worried anymore.  I can’t get caught up in the statistics and numbers, I have to look at what’s right in front of me, and look at this from a different perspective.  Leo isn’t struggling, yes he is delayed, but he isn’t struggling, he is healthy, and most of all, he is happy.  Leo has his own journey that he is living and he is living it wonderfully.  He will crawl, stand, and walk, when the time is right for him; he will talk and eat when he is ready to do so, and he will continue to grow and develop the best he can, and that’s all I can ask and be grateful for.   Leo is my little miracle, and every day with him, every moment, every milestone, is more than a dream come true.  I want the very best for him, but he is already the very best son for me!

LeoAssessmentMarch2016

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Leo with PT Kerry

Leo started his first Physical Therapy session with his new therapist Kerry on Monday. I really like Kerry, she has a lot more activities and exercises that we can do with Leo at target and strengthen his core muscles.  She really put Leo to work and he didn’t really like it, poor baby, and even started to cry!  Leo hardly ever cries so it was really sad but funny and cute to see at the same time.  His bottom lip in his pout is just way too cute, I couldn’t resist and have to show you all haha.  It’s all good for him though, so he will thank her later!!  It was a very helpful first session and I feel like as long as Leo keeps at it, he will probably make a lot of progress real faster!  Kerry was very motivated as well to get Leo to reach his milestone goals, so that was very encouraging to see.  Behind those tears and pouty face, I think Leo really liked Kerry though because right off the bat he impressed us all by sitting unassisted for what probably felt like 2 minutes!!

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Leo chilling side sitting style

Normally he’s done maybe 30 seconds or less because he would get so excited and want to move around and he’ll lose his balance, but in front of Kerry, he just sat so stable and straight, it was amazing!!  You are still doing really great Leo.  Don’t let numbers and statistics dictate what you are capable of.  You will push boundaries and achieve great goals for yourself, and you can do anything you put your mind to.  I have faith in you my little Leo, you already make me so proud, and I know you will always be my beacon of hope and my bright light!  I love you so much Leo!!

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“I’d rather lay like this than practice sitting.” – Leo

LeoOTChristineLeo had his first occupational therapy session today with his new therapist Christine.  She was really nice and really good with Leo.  We didn’t deal too much with feeding today, more of just physical therapy so that Leo can build a relationship and trust with her.  While playing through therapy, she’ll occasionally touch his mouth and face to get him to get use to her touching his mouth, so later when she works with loosening his mouth and cheek muscles, he won’t be too closed off to it.  She said later one when he does start to eat, to let him be messy and explore his food, let him feel the texture with his hands, smell the aroma, point out all the different colors in his food, and then let him taste it and really exaggerate how good it taste.  It’s all part of the experience of eating and she said to make the process fun for him.  She seems very knowledgeable and I feel like Leo is in great hands!!

Also, Lily is so wonderfully amazing.  Lily had her Children’s Night at LePort recently and once again I’m also so blown away by all that she can do.  I’m very impressed with her beginning writing skills, her starting to sound out letters and trace in cursive, her dexterity with level of focus and concentration with her work too.  It’s really great to see her so confident in the classroom and excited and happy to do her work and show off her skills.  I’m so proud of her in every way, I can’t believe that beautiful smart silly funny little baby girl is all mine.  Lily also had a field trip to the Discovery Science Center and I think one of her favorite part about field trips is being able to ride the school bus.  Every time she sees one she gets super excited!  I got to go with her on her field trip and it’s very nice how empty it was and it felt private and so Lily didn’t really have to wait to do anything she wanted, she got to roam free and do whatever her mind was curious about.  Her favorite was this recycle game that they had on the second floor, she must have spent half an hour there!  You can view pictures from her field trip to the Discovery Science Center HERE.  I love you so much my Lily pad!! Check out this video of Lily at her Children’s Night at LePort back in March.

LilySmoothieLilyWriting1Lily continues to be such an amazing big sister to Leo as well.  She’s still constantly so loving and caring towards Leo, always wanting to give him kisses and play with him and making him laugh, she’s still the best one at making him laugh.  He loves her so much too and every time he sees her he loves to just watch her and gives her the biggest smile.  Lily is always so happy and silly, she lights up my life.  She still likes to be very helpful and likes to do a lot of things herself.  She even helps me out with cooking now too, from cracking and stirring eggs, chopping fruits and veggies, to watering plants.  She’s my little sous chef, my little personal assistant, my partner in crime.   She really likes music and loves to sing and even makes requests to hear certain songs.  Whenever a song comes on the radio that she likes, she would ask me what song it is if she doesn’t know it, or tell me that she likes this one.  She also enjoys watching a lot of movies and shows on netflix, I recently took her to watch Zootopia and she loved it and watched it many times after that (handicam version at home haha).  She said she loves the song in it and would watch the music video over and over.  Lily also enjoys coloring and drawing, she’s very good at writing her name, and she likes to cut and glue paper, the Kiwi Crates are still a big hit with her!  I like them too since it’s a great way to have bonding activity time with her that’s also educational and fun.  Lily loves to play pretend food prep for me as well and play with little random knick knacks, stick them in her purse, take it out, and put it back in, and repeat haha.  She has a very big imagination, is very observant, smart, and intuitive.  I love you so much Lily, you are always making me proud and happy, I’m a very lucky mommy!!

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Leo watches Lily go down the slide!

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Lily & Leo Easter 2016

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Lily Easter 2016

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Lily 1st Day of Spring 2016

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LIly St. Patrick’s Day 2016

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Lily & Leo St. Patrick’s Day 2016

Time for some video fun of the kiddos, enjoy!